Sorry for not writing for so long. It's been a pretty busy couple of
weeks. I missed writing to you boys!!! I just got home so late every
night I did not have time to get on here to say hello.
I have spent A LOT of time thinking over the last couple weeks and I
really think that it is time for a bit of a change. It was weird
because I am one of those people that sometimes needs a sign and the
signs are definitely very visible!!! Over the last year I have stopped
surrounding myself with people who have negative energy or drama of any
kind surrounding them, So there was just a handful of people I was
close to. I knew that somewhere out there, there is people that think
and feel like me, and who understand me. I really thought that it
would take a long time for me to meet these people because I have been
searching my whole life for them. But low and behold just being
positive worked. I met someone about a year ago and this person just
recently started spending alot of time with me. He made me realize
many things throughout our conversations that have made me realize
meeting people like me is not hard at all. This person blows my mind
and I am so glad he is my Friend!! Then someone else I met around a
year and a half ago like read my mind. It was weird. This person has
always made me feel like no one else has. I can't explain it!! And I
couldn't stop thinking about him. And all of a sudden one day out as I
am sitting there thinking about him he messages me. Weird!!! SO let's
just say I am very excited to explore these new grounds I have never
been on before ;)
The other thing I have been thinking about is the industry, the drama,
the lifestyle, the risks, and more. I have been doing this long enough
to know that the way things are is not the way they are supposed to
be. I have at least 10 reasons why this industry is not the same but I
don't want to get into it all. But I did want to tell my Friends us
that my intentions are to try to leave the industry in the next little
while. I am scared to say retire because I have taken breaks many
times. But I have just got to a point where I need to take the next
step in my life. There are certain things and people I want in my life
that I can't have if I stay. No matter how much we try to co-mingle
this work into a real life it just doesn't work. Can my life be ok
after leaving here...my security zone? I don't know but because of the
cards I am being dealt right now I feel I have to leave in order for
certain things to happen. I am not sure how much longer I will stay
for or maybe the cards I have been dealt are just fooling me because I
know I haven't seen them all yet. All I know is that staying prevents
me from leading a normal life, having a relationship, friendships, a
day job and more. I love being here and meeting all sorts of new
people and I love the excitement and I LOVE my Friends who love me,
more than anything and when I leave I still want to talk to my Friends. I have
never felt like I wanted to leave because I love it. But some things
have happened and for the last month more and more so I can't stop
thinking about my life, who is in it, why they are in it, what lessons
I am supposed to learn here and what steps I need to take. When I make
this decision final I will be sure to let you know but just know it's
coming.
Not sure if the 2 following people read this blog or not but I know
they know I blog so if you ever do read this you will know who you are
right away!!!
Friend 1 - I met you after the other Friend I want to talk about but I
want to talk about you first because you made a door open for me that
allowed me to let the other Friend in. You made me realize honesty is
not dead!!! Chivalry is not dead!!! and That there are decent, down to
earth fun people still out there. You make me smile, feel beautiful,
laugh and most of all you made me feel something. True happiness. I
did not know what that felt like because I never let my guard down.
You allowed me to let it down by letting me inside you little bits at a
time. You truly shared a piece of yourself with me, lol many pieces.
I will never ever forget you ever and I hope you are my Friend
forever!! Thank you for being you and for letting me be me.
Friend 2 - The first time I met you I remember it exactly. I don't
think I will ever forget it!!! I have said it before and will say it
again and you can ask 2 of my bestest Friends cause I talk about you
all the time, no one has ever looked at me the way you do. EVER!! I
knew from the moment I saw you that there had to be more to this. You
absolutely take my breath away and I am sorry I was too shy to say
something LONG time ago. But the other Friend I was speaking of made
me realize life is too short just not enjoy it and that we are silly
for passing up something that is meant to be because we are
comfortable. SO I am VERY glad to say that I rustled up enough courage
and told you how I felt about you. Now once again I get to enjoy the
ride. I hope this is not just any ride!!! You make my heart melt and
you always have!!!!
I LUVS you both!!!! I really do and I hope life is really good to
us!!! No matter what happens or where we end up I hope I never loose
contact with the 2 people who made me think things and feel things I
never thought I could!!!
If you have never heard of the secret or you have and you are just not
practicing it you are crazy lol the secret is....we create our own
destiny and the thoughts we think influence our lives more than we
think. If we believe it, it will come true. That is it. Pretty
simple eh? Well...I do this all the time and I thought hard about it
and all I want is happiness and security (and by security I don't mean
money). I honestly can't remember the last time I was this happy and I
do feel very secure and content. Life really is what you make of it
and I see that more than ever!!!
Thank you to these 2 friends and thank you to my Gr8 Friend who has
also been there for me soooo many times I can't count. You are the
tiger baby!!! Thank you Melly for always being there for me whenever I
needed you!!! Thank you TK for making me smile and just being you!!!
I also want to thank T, anyone who knows me will know who T is. She
made me want to start to change for the better. She made me see things
no one else could. So thank you for giving me some of your love,
innocence and guidance!!!
I am so great full right now and so happy I could go on forever. I just
hope my Friends know how much I appreciate them and I hope that things
just get better from here.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Des
My MUZAC FOR TONIGHT ;)
She Wolf for Friend 1 - I just heard it the other day but I took it a
specific way. You teach me and care for me and allow me to let my
inner self out. My she wolf lol You open doors and I came out!! I am
inside this crazy exciting world and sometimes hide my true self and
you let it out.
Wasting Time for Friend 2 - I picked this song for you because we are
both here wasting time and we have so much to learn!!! I am excited to
explore it all with you!!! Let's waste time together ;) xoxox
She Wolf - Shakira
Click here to watch it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aEW_Z5Va5s
S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise
There's a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out
A domesticated girl that's all you ask of me,
Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy.
Moons awake now, my eyes wide open
My body is craving, so feed the hungry
I "ve devoting myself to you
Monday to Monday
And Friday to Friday
Not getting enough retribution
Would be a sentence to keep me at it??
Starting to feel just a little abused
Like a coffee machine in an office (aaa)
So im gonna go somewhere closer
To get me a lover and tell you about it
{chorus}
THERES A SHE WOLF IN THE CLOSET,
OPEN UP AND SET HER FREE {auuuu}
THERES A SHE WOLF IN THE CLOSET,
LET IT OUT SO IT CAN BREATH (inhales, exhales)
Sitting across the bar, Staring right at her pray,
Its going well so far, Shes gonna get her way.
Nocturnal creatures Are not so prudent,
The moons my teacher, And Im her student.
To look at the single man I've got on me a special radar,
And the fire department's hotline in case I get in trouble later
Not looking for cute little divos, or richer ?
Any guys that just want to enjoy (aaa)
By having a very good time, and behave very bad
In the arms of the boy
{chorus}
THERES A SHE WOLF IN THE CLOSET,
OPEN UP AND SET HER FREE {auuuuuu}
THERES A SHE WOLF IN THE CLOSET,
LET IT OUT SO IT CAN BREATH (inhales, exhales)
{{[S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise }{ BREATHS HEAVILY}{
There's a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out]}}
S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise
There's a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out
THERES A SHE WOLF IN THE CLOSET,
LET IT OUT SO IT CAN BREATH (inhales, exhales) Wasting Time - Jack Johnson
Click here to see it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ4bUFgUQVE
And I'm just a waste of her, energy.
She's just wasting my time, Mm hm
So why don't we get together
And we could waste, everything, tonight
And we could waste, we could waste it all, tonight
Yeah,We could waste it,we could waste, we could waste it all.
And I don't pretend to know what you know, No no
Now please don't pretend to know what's on my mind
But if we already knew everything that everybody knows
We would have, nothing to learn, tonight
And we would have, nothing to show, tonight
Oh
But everybody thinks that everybody knows
About everybody else, nobody knows
Anything, about themselves
Because they're all worried about everybody else
Yeah yeah mmm hmm ahh
This love's just a waste of our, energy,
and this life's just a waste of our time,
So why don't we get together
And we could waste, everything, tonight
And we could waste
We could waste it all...
Yeah
But everybody thinks that
Everybody knows about
Everybody else
But nonon nobody knows, anything, about themselves
Because they're all worried about everybody else yeah
you should know by now
